


The Real Red Robin

by Marabelline



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The Real Slim Shady - Eminem (Song)
Genre: Gen, I Don't Even Know, Song Parody, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 06:31:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14827157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marabelline/pseuds/Marabelline
Summary: Tim Drake is tired of all those impersonators and successors taking over what's supposed to be his work and his work alone. So what does he do? Make a rap about it!





	The Real Red Robin

May I have your attention please?  
May I have your attention please?  
Will the real Red Robin please stand up?  
I repeat will the real Red Robin please stand up?  
We’re going to have a problem here

Y’all act like you never seen a vigilante before  
Jaws all on the floor like Bruce and Joker just burst in the door  
Started whooping his ass worse than before, I’m sick of this sort  
Destroying all your furniture  
It’s the return of the “Oh wait, no way, you’re kidding,  
He didn’t say what i think he did, did he?”  
And Jason Todd said  
Nothing you idiots Jason Todd’s dead, he’s locked up in my basement (ha ha)  
Fujoshi fangirls love Red Robin, chicka chicka chicka Red Robin I’m lovin’ him  
Look at him, running around grabbing that you-know-what  
flippin’ the you know who “Yeah, some dude should screw him though”  
Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose  
But no worse than what’s going on at Gotham’s night, too  
Sometimes I want to run on the rooftops and tuck in, but can’t  
But it’s cool for the Joker to abuse Harley Quinn  
My staff is on my hips, my staff is on my hips  
And if I’m lucky it might just give you a little hit  
And that’s the message that we deliver to little kids  
And expect them not to know who the goddamn Batman is.  
Of course they gonna know what corruption is, by the time they hit 4th grade,  
they got Daily Planet and other shit don’t they?  
We ain’t nothing but mammals,  
Well some of us cannibals, who cut other people open like cantaloupes.  
But if we can hump plants and give Mr. Freeze sass  
Then there’s no reason that the whole goddamn Batfam can’t kick ass  
But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote.  
Heroes wave your capes and masks, sing the chorus and it goes

I’m Red Robin, yes I’m the real Robin  
All you other Red Robins are just dead Robins  
So won’t the real Red Robin, please stand up,  
Please stand up,  
Please stand up.  
‘Cause I’m Red Robin, yes I’m the real Robin  
All you other Red Robins are just dead Robins  
So won’t the real Red Robin, please stand up  
Please stand up,  
Please stand up.

Clark Kent don’t gotta cuss in his panels to sell comics  
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too.  
You think I give a damn about an Eisner?  
Half of you critics can’t even stomach me, even despise me.  
“But Tim what if you win wouldn’t it be weird?”  
Why? So you guys can just beat me up to get near?  
So you can sit me here next to Damian over here.  
Shit, Barbara Gordon better switch me chairs  
So I can sit next to Nightwing and Stephie Brown  
And hear ‘em argue over which Joker is going down.  
Little shit put me on blast on Gotham TV  
“Yeah he’s cute but I think he’s married to Steph, he he”  
I should hack into the systems on her PS3  
And show the whole world how you gave Red Robin HIV.  
I’m sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me  
So I've been sent here to destroy you  
And there's a million of us just like me  
Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me, who dress like me  
Walk, talk and act like me, it just might be the next best thing,  
But not quite me

‘Cause I’m Red Robin, yes I’m the real Robin  
All you other Red Robins are just dead Robins  
So won’t the real Red Robin, please stand up,  
Please stand up,  
Please stand up  
‘Cause I’m Red Robin, yes I’m the real Robin  
All you other Red Robins are just dead Robins  
So won’t the real Red Robin please stand up,  
Please stand up,  
Please stand up

I’m like a podcaster to listen to  
‘Cause I’m only giving you, things you joke about with your friends  
In Arkham’s waiting room  
The only difference is I got the balls to kick it in front of y’all  
And I don’t gotta be false or apologize it at all  
I just get on the grapple and grip it, and whether you like to admit it (rip)  
I just kick ass better than 90% of you sidekicks out there  
Then you wonder how kids can eat up these heroes like zeroes, it’s funny  
Cause at the rate I’m going when I’m fifty.  
I’ll be the only person down in Arkham still kicking.  
Kicking loony’s asses when I’m chatting up with Gordon  
And I’m working, but this whole load of batarangs aren’t working  
And every single person is a Red Robin lurkin’ he could be working for the Penguin  
Spittin' in your fancy gin  
Or in Poison Ivy’s garden circling  
Screaming I don’t give a fuck with his domino mask down and ego up  
So will the real Robin, please stand up  
And put one of those fingers on each hand up  
And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control  
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

 

I’m Red Robin, yes I’m the real Robin  
All you other Red Robins are just dead Robins  
So won’t the real Red Robin, please stand up,  
Please stand up,  
Please stand up.  
‘Cause I’m Red Robin, yes I’m the real Robin  
All you other Red Robins are just dead Robins  
So won’t the real Red Robin, please stand up  
Please stand up,  
Please stand up.

‘Cause I’m Red Robin, yes I’m the real Robin  
All you other Red Robins are just dead Robins  
So won’t the real Red Robin, please stand up,  
Please stand up,  
Please stand up  
‘Cause I’m Red Robin, yes I’m the real Robin  
All you other Red Robins are just dead Robins  
So won’t the real Red Robin please stand up,  
Please stand up,  
Please stand up

Haha, I guess there’s a Red Robin in all of us,  
Fuck it,  
Let’s all stand up

**Author's Note:**

> I've made a mistake.


End file.
